i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
