its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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