38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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