Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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