A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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