I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
