I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
