ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
