Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just invented taco cereal.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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