God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
