What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
