I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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