Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
