I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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