Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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