Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize