If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
