you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
