I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize