How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
