if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
