I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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