I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
