You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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