dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
