Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize