i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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