Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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