This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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