she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
