I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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