Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
