party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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