There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
