In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
