There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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