were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
