So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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