is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the day after is always just damage control
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
