I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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