Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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