Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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