highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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