What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
