Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
