...so i touched it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So much rum. So many feels.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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