TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
