Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
