She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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