I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
