I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
