he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
