I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
