Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
