What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
