hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
