I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
