Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
