Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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