The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
