did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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