This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
