My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
